He probably thinks I don't care because I don't know anything else but I do remember playing with friends outside. I remember all the smells, of trees, and grass, and garbage cans, lots of smells here, too, but it's different. It mostly smells of me, which I don't mind, I like it, though it gets a bit boring at times. And then there's the smell from downstairs, human, and intense. It changed a few days ago, it used to be musky and stale, now it's more like dead rat. I often go to the window when he's gone to get a whiff of whatever is out there, no trees, just another wall with lots of stairs going down. Sometimes there are these rubber sausages flying across the shaft below me and hitting some bags on the ledge on the other side. The bags sometimes smell like cat, and the rubber sausages splash some liquid onto them. I wish I could catch them, I don't like the smell of the liquid, though, it's sharp and unnatural, much worse than the cat smell. What I miss most is running around, I wish I had some space to run. When he's gone I sometimes race around, left corner, jump on the chair, jump on the couch, right corner. I know I'm not supposed to do it and he wouldn't like it. I don't know why he never takes me with him, perhaps he's afraid something might happen to me outside. Or perhaps he just has to show he's the master but I know that anyway. I do love him, he feeds me and lets me stay with him but I do get sick of sitting here and waiting when he's gone. Sometimes I'm begging to come with but he doesn't understand me, he doesn't react. It makes me angry. I've been thinking about going for his legs and just squeezing by when he opens the door. Sometimes, I think about killing him. He's bigger and he's the leader but I know I could, that makes me feel better. dog, smell 1 / smell 2